


the second most handsome guy you'll ever meet

by QueenOfSkaro



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Date, M/M, Murphy being a dick, dialogue only, excessive use of the word "fuck"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5027242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSkaro/pseuds/QueenOfSkaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt "Your best friend doesn't know how to use doors and always makes the alarms go off and it's always the same guy calling you to make sure everything is okay."</p>
            </blockquote>





	the second most handsome guy you'll ever meet

"What's your password?"

"You know what my password is, dipshit. It's the same as every fucking night since - what - two months? It's almost tragic that you always get dumped with the night shift, pal. Ever heard of a private life?"

"I have, in fact, a private life. Your password?"

"It's fuckyoumillerimeanitjustfuckingfuckyou. Without blanks. Now get this blasting alarm off, my friend is twitching again and it's kind of creepy. He's almost vibrating. I feel the need to call for help. What number do you call if there's a nutcase in your house?"

"Did he break in? I'd be an expert for that, you know."

"He kinda did. Just, you know. He got a key. He's just too lazy to walk the other two yards to the front door when there is a perfectly fine window just there in front of him. He's kind of a moron sometimes.”

“Hey!”

“Don't you 'hey' me, just use the fucking door! You think it's a blast to have you announce yourself every fucking night with fucking sirens? It's no fucking wonder they always get you, you're a fucking loser when it gets to breaking in. Great, now he's off pouting. Fucking great. So much for the company I have tonight. What about you? You were lying about your private life, what is it like?”

“I was not lying, I have one. I have a sister and friends and we go out and stuff.”

“Uh-uh. Sure.”

“We do! Just yesterday I was out with a girl.”

“Was it your sister?”

“Of course not.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Her best friend.”

“And seeing that you called me at nine the date wasn't quite successful huh?”

“Doesn't mean anything, I had to be at work at six.”

“Dude.”

“We had tea.”

“Worst date ever I bet.”

“It was great. We talked and shit.”

“Like I said, worst date ever.”

“Okay, it wasn't really a date. More like – more like my sister cancelled last minute and Clarke was already there, but it was fun, so – yeah.”

“Dude!”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too!”

* * *

“What exactly is wrong with your friend?”

“I don't fucking know! He's like, a complete and utter moron. And there he goes again. When I get to him my beer is gone and I'll be lucky if he left me any pizza that fucking wanker.”

“You have an awful taste in friends. You have no right to judge me for my use of private time.”

“First, I obviously do. Second, I have all the right. Tell me more about your 'private time'.”

“You're a dick.”

“Obviously. And you're pretty dense if you needed almost three months to get behind that. Seriously, mate, what did you do to piss off your boss for always landing you in night shift?”

“I may or may not have dated his son. Unknowingly.”

“And it went downhill?”

“It was a trainwreck. The endgame involved a green-dyed poodle and a trunk full of corndogs.”

“That – sounds like a story I definitely have to hear in detail.”

“God, no.”

“Yes, I have to. Tell me your name.”

“After that bit of information about me? Definitely not.”

“Playing hard to get now? Don't think I didn't notice you being into the boss' son, not his daughter. It's filed away already. I'll get you.”

“Fuck.”

“I will.”

* * *

“Jordan-Green Security. State your password.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Jordan-Green Security, Sir. There was a break-in reported to us. We need your password.”

“Who the fuck are you? Where's my security guy?”

“Excuse me?”

“My security guy. Where is he?”

“I don't know what you're talking about, Sir. Please state your password or I will call the police.”

“Fuck you. It's Illgetinyourpantsandyoullwantmeto.”

“Ex – Excuse me?”

“You're not. Fucking cut the alarms.”

“Your password.”

“Fuck you!”

* * *

“I got a little worried, to be honest. No one broke in for over a week. How did you manage that?”

“I left the window open.”

“Oh. What? Why?”

“Because you're an asshole.”

“At the risk of repeating myself – What? Why?”

“There was a stranger on the phone.”

“You don't make any sense.”

“You had a day off and didn't tell me. There was this moron calling here.”

“Gotten attached much?”

“You know what? It doesn't matter, you're a moron too!”

* * *

“Okay, this is weird. Are you giving me the cold shoulder? Because I don't think thats fair.”

“Of course not, I enjoy leaving my window open in fucking december for my retarded friend to climb through just so you won't call me.”

“You could – you know – just deactivate the alarms.”

“I – Fuck you.”

* * *

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous.”

“How in all hells are you calling? Miller isn't even here yet.”

“I know. I'm calling just because. What is your problem, John?”

“Don't call me John. My name is Murphy.”

“Your surname.”

“Well, it's what people call me.”

“I don't like it. I'll call you John.”

“Fucking fine. What do you want?”

“We need to talk.”

“That's what we do right now, dipshit.”

“But we didn't for the last two weeks.”

“Not true, you called four days ago.”

“And you yelled your password and hung up.”

“What, you getting attached now?”

“ --- “

“ --- “

“That's what this is all about. Is it? I wouldn't have said that if I knew you'd bolt.”

“I didn't bolt!”

“No, you did the phony equivalent of it. Look, would it help if I told you I wasn't serious?”

“I fucking know you weren't serious, fuckhead.”

“And still you bolted.”

“I didn't bolt. Fuck off.”

“I won't. I have your name, your number, I know where you live and can deactivate your security alarms. You will fucking listen to me.”

“Did you just threaten me?”

“Relax, for fucks sake. I just want you to listen to me, got it? Keep your mouth shut for a second.”

“I -”

“Shut up. I'm going to be emotionally here and shit and you will fucking appreciate it, John. To be honest, I really don't have much of a private life, so maybe I enjoy talking to you more than appropriate, but that doesn't change the fact that you are the highlight of my day. You ignoring me is just not okay, so fucking shove it and go out with me.”

“ --- “

“You don't want to say anything to that? Seriously?”

“Oh, am I allowed to talk again?”

“Stop being a bitch and answer me.”

“Yes.”

“Yes you'll answer me or - ?”

“Or.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.”

“Good. That's great. Yeah, great. You free tomorrow? And while we're speaking about tomorrow, this is my early notice to you that it's my day off. Which I want to spend with you.”

“Uh – yeah. Tomorrow sounds good. But – uh – you sure? I could be fucking ugly for all you know.”

“I got your address, I know what you look like.”

“Creepy, dude. Fucking creepy.”

“Ha, don't worry. I'll be a sap and say I just won't care, I'll love you for your sparkling personality.”

“If that's the case I really need to know that you're fucking attractive.”

“Haha. Worry not, your date will be the second most handsome guy you'll ever meet.”

“After my own reflection.”

“Yes.”

“You're an idiot.”

“You'll love me.”

“You're awfully sure of yourself.”

“Have to. How else will I win you over?”

“Didn't you just tell me of your stunning looks?”

“Well, yes. That too. I'll pick you up then?”

“Sounds great.”

“Be ready at 8.”

“I thought it's your day off and you wanted to spend it all with me.”

“I do. 8 am.”

“You got to be fucking kidding me!”

“Tell Miller to fuck off, you've got to get up early.”

“I'll make you regret that.”

“Try your worst, darling.”

“Fuck you.”

“You too.”

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“What's your name?”

“Bellamy.”

“Bellamy.”


End file.
